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Saturday, January 21, 2012 is the 65th anniversary of General George Marshall’s appointment as U.S. Secretary of State. Among Marshall’s many accomplishments was making the initial case for the U.S. and its allies to provide economic support to post-WWII Europe, in a speech to Harvard University in June, 1947. The Marshall Plan, as the aid package became known, ran from 1947 to 1951 and is widely regarded as one of the 20th century’s great achievements.
Reader Kurt Sutton marks this anniversary by condensing the entire five-year project into a 13-step Unofficial Guide Touring Plan.
The Unofficial Guide Marshall Plan or (How to rebuild Europe and Stop Communism in a Day Plan)
This touring plan is for Heads of State who wish to build and stabilize the economy in European nations after a widespread war has been resolved. This plan will attempt to remove trade barriers, modernize industry, and make Europe prosperous (though these are not guarantees.) It has been created by people who will have no part in its actual implementation. It is designed to allow European countries to buy American goods, and is in no way attempting to become a deterrent to Communism. Those who wish not to participate in the plan can hide behind the nearest wall, as convenient. Failure to use plan may result in Communist leadership.
1. End war in Europe (may require Communist country).
2. Go to lavish negotiation in Paris (we’re not animals after all).
3. Invite Soviet Union to join (attempt not to roll eyes whilst doing so).
4. Divide money amongst war-riddled countries (a little less for Germany).
5. Watch Soviet Union build giant wall in Berlin (do not attempt to enter East Germany as wait to exit may take longer than expected).
6. Bring salesman to show off how great it is to “Buy American.”
7. Dismantle German factories (access to West side only).
8. Eat lunch (Swiss food is good for a large, neutral group).
9. Go to Canada while it finally has a large economy.
10. Return to Germany. If Berlin wall is not down yet, obtain FASTPASS.
11. Head to Cuba, watch strategic holes being constructed for “no reason” (do not mention Pigs being in a Bay).
12. If you have FASTPASS for the Berlin Wall, use it now.
13. Watch Communism fall.