It’s no secret that many of us here at Touring Plans are big fans of Billy Hill and the Hillbillies; in the 2013 Unofficial Guide to Disneyland we give their musical comedy show 4 1/2 stars and call it “not to be missed.” Originally a street show created for the opening of Critter Country in 1989, the Hillbillies have been the most frequently featured act in the Golden Horseshoe Saloon since the Golden Horseshoe Jamboree ended its run in December of 1994.

While the Hillbillies have had the Horseshoe stage to themselves for most of the last 17 years (with the exception of Woody’s Round-Up’s run from 1999 to 2000), lately they’ve been on the move. Over the summer, they were shuffled out to the arena stage behind Big Thunder Ranch as part of a seasonal promotion, while the Laughing Stock Co. improv players took their place. More recently, Billy and the boys returned to Big Thunder for the Limited Time Magic resurrection of the beloved Golden Horseshoe Revue, albeit in the form of a “Salute” tribute show.

The Hillbillies’ hilarious bluegrass hijinks consistently draw a capacity crowd to the Horseshoe on the five days each week they perform, but all the performances of theirs I’ve seen at the Ranch have seemed much more sparsely attended. The answer as to which venue is the better location for them might seem obvious at first. But over the summer, I sat down with a highly-placed member of Disneyland’s entertainment team who gave me a different perspective.

This upper-level employee (who must remain anonymous, as our lunch was an off-the-record social meeting) is a lifelong fan of the original Revue, and was instrumental in advocating for its (temporary) return. He/she argued that, though the Billy’s are brilliant at what they do, their act is thematically inappropriate for the Saloon’s 19th century setting, because they “know they are in a theme park” and “break the fourth wall” with modern pop-culture wisecracks.

After attending a recent show in which the Hillbillies referenced American Idol, YouTube, and the Columbia House Music Club, it’s hard for me to argue with the premise. Yet, the packed audience around me (especially the special-needs boy blissfully dancing in the front row) didn’t seem to mind at all.

Should Disneyland’s favorite funny fiddlers have a permanent home in their most popular locale? Or should the Saloon return to presenting authentic 1800′s entertainment full-time like it did when Walt sat in the opera box? If entertainment and thematic integrity conflict in a theme park setting, which should win out? Join the debate, and leave your opinion in the comments below!

Disneyland Debate: Where Do Billy Hill and the Hillbillies Belong? is a post from the TouringPlans.com Blog. Signup for a premium subscription today! Or get news via Email, Twitter, & Facebook.

On behalf of my co-authors Bob Sehlinger and Len Testa, I’m proud to announce that The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland 2013 is now available via Amazon and Barnes & Noble, a few days before the book’s 9/19 official release date. It can be pre-ordered from iBooks in advance of its digital release later this month.

This has been a year of remarkable change at the Disneyland Resort, and our latest update to the Unofficial Guide reflects all the radical reimagineering the Anaheim attractions have undergone.

Here’s a rundown on all the fresh material you will find in our 2013 Guide:

Introduction

• An all-new humorous “The Importance of Being Goofy” essay.
• Revised overview of the resort, highlighting expansions at Disney California Adventure.
• Updated comparison chart of Disneyland Attractions vs. their equivalents at Magic Kingdom in Florida.

Planning Before You Leave Home

• Updated admission options and ticket prices.
• New automated options like buying tickets your mobile device and the Ask Otto phone line.
• Using the Lines mobile app to enhance your Disneyland visit.
• New statistics on Disneyland theme park attendance.
• New parking information, including valet and overflow options.
• Hints on safely walking into the Disneyland Resort from surrounding lodging in various directions.
• Refreshed hotel reviews and room ratings, featuring the completed renovations at Disneyland Hotel.
• Debating the merits of the “Good Neighbor” hotel program.
• New policies for FASTPASS, rope drop, and Early Entry.
• Additional VIP tour and Adventures By Disney information.

Essentials

• Benefits for the Disney Visa cardholders.
• Nearby grocery and pharmacy options.
• Charging your cell phone inside the parks.
• PhotoPass and PhotoPass+ information.

Disneyland With Kids

• New “minimum height requirement” chart.
• Updated “small child fright potential” chart.
• New reader comments on child swap and taking infants on rides.

Dining and Shopping in and Around Disneyland

• Refreshed reviews of every full-service and counter-service restaurant at the resort.
• Details on dining at Carthay Circle, Flo’s V8 Cafe, and all the new signature eateries in DCA’s Buena Vista Street and Cars Land.
• The arrival of Starbucks inside the Disney parks.
• Fresh reviews of the new menus at Jolly Holiday Bakery, Carnation Cafe, and House of Blues.
• Updated advice on your best snacking options around the resort.
• Changes at Ariel’s Grotto and the Cove Bar.
• World of Color dining options at Wine Country Trattoria and Carthay Circle.
• New dining options at Anaheim Gardenwalk in the surrounding city.

Disneyland Park

• Expanded information on the Disney Gallery and Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln (seasonally starring the Voices of Liberty).
• Information on construction of the new Princess Fantasy Faire.
• A review of the controversial refurbishment of Matterhorn Bobsleds.
• Changes to Innoventions, and where you can get a free souvenir in Tomorrowland.
• New details on live entertainment around the park, including Billy Hill’s relocation to Big Thunder Ranch.
• Fresh insights and behind-the-scenes dish from Jim Hill.

Disney California Adventure

• Ratings and reviews of all the new attractions and entertainments inside Buena Vista Street and Cars Land, including the blockbuster Radiator Springs Racers ride.
• How to navigate the new early entry procedures at DCA, plus new single rider and FASTPASS advice.
• Updated advice on viewing World of Color, including the new “Glow With The Show” mouse ears.
• New entertainment around the park, from Minnie’s Fly Girls to the Mad T Party.

Universal Studios Hollywood

• In-depth review of Universal’s smash new Transformers 3-D attraction.
• The announcement of a West Coast Harry Potter attraction, with hints on the future of the Waterworld and Terminator shows.
• Information on VIP upgraded admission.

Of course our world-famous Touring Plans — completely overhauled for the new attractions, and optimized with the aid for our custom computer database — are all included in a handy clip-out format.

And for those those visitors who aren’t the “theme park commando” type, we’ve added for the first time a “No Rides/No Queues/No Stress Anti-Touring Plan” guaranteed to help the most anti-attraction grouch have a great time.

Remember, readers who purchase the new Guide can get a generous discount off their Disneyland Lines subscription. You’ll also notice that the park and attraction descriptions on TouringPlans.com have been updated to reflect the new content found in print. We hope you enjoy the 2013 edition of the Unofficial Guide to Disneyland, and invite you to leave us your comments below.

What’s New In The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland 2013? is a post from the TouringPlans.com Blog. Signup for a premium subscription today! Or get news via Email, Twitter, & Facebook.

When readers pick up a copy of The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland, they expect to get the best independent, in-depth information available on the Anaheim resort. But as an added extra bonus, they get a dose of the authors’ irreverent sense of humor. Planning the perfect Disneyland vacation seem like deadly serious work, but it’s our intention to remind you to look on the lighter side of the little lunacies you’ll happen upon at the happiest place on Earth.

In that spirit, Bob Sehlinger started the tradition of including a short comical essay in the introductory chapter of the Guide. Titled “The Importance of Being Goofy,” these brief pieces feature friendly spoofs of what we imagine goes on behind the scenes at the Mouse house.

As co-author of the 2012 and upcoming 2013 editions of The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland, I’ve continued that tradition with some silly satire of my own. Right now we are hard at work on the new edition of the book, but I wanted to bring our blog readers a “backstage” look at the process by previewing an unedited version of this year’s Goofy essay. A slightly shorter version of this will appear on shelves later this year, but you can read it here first. Please enjoy, and share your thoughts in the comments below.

The Importance of Being Goofy (Disneyland 2013)

Disneyland’s director of Nomenclature for Entertainment and Retail Domains hovered over his mahogany desk, delicately extracting a shard from a stack of splinters, when his assistant’s explosive entrance toppled the tower.

“Dang it, Wally! How many times to I have to tell you to watch the paneling?” huffed the director as he dug under his desk for wandering wood. “And I just had this new Jenga set whittled out of scraps from the Carnation Plaza Gardens stage.”

“That’s some mighty respectful recycling, chief. But you said you wanted to know as soon as the results of our latest guest survey were in.”

“Excellent!” The director bounded back into his chair, grimacing sharply as his missing stick was suddenly rediscovered. “Sock it to me,” he squeaked, shifting slighting in his seat.

“Certainly, sir. After only spending the annual salaries of our entire hotel housekeeping staff, our crack statisticians have scientifically determined that today’s top two theme park draws are Cars Land here at Disney California Adventure, and that Harry Potter hullabaloo over at Universal.”

“Precisely my prediction! This conclusively proves my theory on what our marks — err, valued visitors — really want.”

“Mega-budget E-Tickets with innovative effects in an elaborately detailed, immersive environment?”

“Nah, they want lands based around individual intellectual property franchises! Today’s Twitter-addled tourists can’t take more than a single topic simultaneously. They want their fantasy worlds one theme at a time.”

“Well, I suppose…” demurred Wally, skeptically, before the boss barreled on.

“Just look at the cognitive dissonance all over Disneyland! Pirates next to phantoms, princesses mixed up with pachyderms, a railroad with dinosaurs…can imagine anything more confusing?”

“It’s astounding our guests’ heads haven’t imploded,” Wally gulped. “What do you suggest? We don’t have the budget to re-brand the park, after blowing a billion next door.”

“No problem! I’ve got a cost-effective plan, and a raft of sponsors lined up to foot the bill.”

“Wow, sir, where do we start?”

“Well, Main Street USA is a cash cow, so we’ll largely leave it be, except for a sponsorship from our new social media network, MiceSpace. Every souvenir or snack guests purchase will instantly be posted on their “wall,” the Cinema will screen cute kitten videos from YouTube, and animatronic Old Abe can recite the audience’s latest blog comments instead of his tired ‘four score’ shtick.”

“A solid start, sir,” Wally brown-nosed. “What’s the angle on Adventureland?”

“Our studios have a Jungle Cruise flick in the works starring Tim Allen. I can’t see how it won’t be an even bigger blockbuster that that Country Bears masterpiece. So let’s get ahead of the curve and make Allenland! We’ll toss a “Tool Time” t-shirt on Trader Sam, rename Tarzan’s Treehouse to Jungle 2 Jungle, and replace Indy’s fedora with a Santa Clause cap. ABC is eager to ante up; they say it’s their best advertising angle since the Desperate Housewives dating service.”

Wally made a note to erase Wild Hogs from his Netflix queue, then pressed ahead. “Any notions for New Orleans Square?”

“You know how popular those Princess and the Frog Mardi Gras parties we put on were? Well, I just found out that Mardi Gras is a real thing they do every year! Way! That’s the kind of family atmosphere we need more of in the park. So Pirates of the Caribbean is becoming Princess Tiana’s Bead & Booty Bonanza. All that’s required are short green gowns and some really cranking disco tunes.”

“But, boss,” stammered Wally, “isn’t that, um…inappropriate?”

“Better than that, it’s interactive! Kids will get beads to toss at Tiana and the wenches will shake a tailfeather like you’ve never seen. We’ll rev those animatronic booties up so high we’ll be lucky not to blow the circuits.”

“That’ll never go over!” objected the assistant. “Tiana’s not a “Girls Gone Wild” type.

“She may become one. Our new sponsor is a cosmetic surgeon out of San Fernando who’s,…er, plumped Tiana up a bit, actually a good bit. All the other princesses are jealous, too. Ariel’s talking about upgrading her shells from Abalone to Conch.”

“Fine boss, but where does that lead the Haunted Mansion?”

“Don’t change a thing, we’ll just say it depicts Bourbon Street on the morning after Lent begins.”

Wally sighed. “Fair enough. I suppose we’ll annex the attraction next door as Flash Mountain?”

“No, I’ve got bigger plans for Critter Country. No one here remembers what film these Br’er characters came from except our big boss Bob, and he won’t blab. Meanwhile, Winnie is still a winner in the merchandising wars. So I’m spreading the bear everywhere. We’ll put Pooh on the mountain, Pooh in the river, Pooh in the shops, even Pooh on the menu! Everywhere guests look, everything will be covered in Pooh!”

“How appetizing, chief,” croaked Wally. “Who is our sponsor?”

“A 24-hour plumbing service. Next stop is Frontierland, which we will re-imagine as JohnnyDeppland, in honor of our studio’s most profitable star. Our new Lone Ranger film is the perfect fit for Big Thunder Mountain; we’ll put a feathered headdress on the dynamite-eating goat and call him Tonto. Guests will ride reefer rafts on a trip to Raoul Duke’s Lair on Fear and Loathing Island. And wait until you hear our new musical act, ‘Benny Joon and the Joonbennys!”

“Let’s move on to Fantasyland, boss,” Wally blanched.

“Now we bring out the our big guns: Burton. Since Tim’s take on Alice in Wonderland was so successful, I’ve granted him free reign to remake all our original fairy tale rides in his image. All the black-light sets will henceforth simply be black, and the classic soundtracks will be replaced with atonal Danny Elfman outtakes. His plans for it’s a sweeney todd world are very exciting: the dolls spurt actual blood while singing Sondheim! Everything is being underwritten by a major manufacturer of black nail polish and eyeliner.”

“Exactly as Walt would have wanted, I’m sure. What about Toontown?”

“Remember that mortgage mess the Big Cheeses got mixed up in? Well, MinnieMae and MickeyMac finally foreclosed on Roger Rabbit; he defaulted after falling back into Dip addiction. His ride is going to become the Negative Equity Spin, an educational attraction about variable interest rates. And the neighbors have all short sold, so downtown Toontown’s storefronts will shill credit cards and timeshares.”

“Can we pass on to Tomorrowland, p-p-p-please?”

“Ah, my triumph of artistic accountancy! Behold: the Wonderful Tax Writedown of John Carter. Insert scenes from the sci-fi flick into our existing rides, and we can claim the whole land as a loss on next year’s returns! Simply set Star Tours to only visit Tatooine and tell folks it’s Barsoom; even Lucas won’t notice the difference. Show the movie on repeat instead of Captain EO, stick a shirtless Taylor Kitsch figure inside Space Mountain, and start counting the refund from Uncle Sam.”

“What do we do with Buzz Lightyear?”

“Stitch is an alien with extra arms, just like Carter’s Martians, right? Let’s bulldoze Buzz and bring in that Great Escape show they’ve got in Florida. I’ve heard it’s brilliant!”

And so it goes…

Photo by Seth Kubersky

Unofficial Guide to Disneyland 2013 Sneak Preview: The Importance of Being Goofy is a post from the TouringPlans.com Blog. Signup for a premium subscription today! Or get news via Email, Twitter, & Facebook.

Here at Unofficial Guide World Headquarters (an undisclosed location somewhere between Madagascar and Bali – don’t even try to find us), we are gearing up for the Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World – 2012. We know you’re still writing “What Will You Celebrate?” on your checks, but, yes, it’s actually that time again.

So, the question for you, dear readers is: what would you like to see in the next edition of the guide? Are there any subjects you would like more information on? Something that we haven’t covered in previous editions that needs some Unofficial Research? Whacky stunts that may or may not get us finally banned from Disney theme parks for good?

We make no promises. As you already know the Big Book is classified as a lethal weapon in many states due to its heft, so we do have to keep page count in mind. But even if we don’t get your great ideas in print, who knows – they may lead to a blog article or more online content here at TouringPlans.com.

Pitch your ideas in the comments section until February 28. And thanks for reading!

2012 Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World – What Would You Like To See? is a post from the TouringPlans.com Blog. Signup for a premium subscription today! Or get news via Email, Twitter, & Facebook.

We’ve updated the reader ratings for all of the Walt Disney World attractions, based on the last year of survey results.   These will be the rating shown in the 2010 edition of the Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World, due in bookstores in late August.  Website subscribers can get access to them now: Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and Disney’s Animal Kingdom.

Unofficial Guide Reader Survey Results Posted for Disney World Attractions is a post from the TouringPlans.com Blog. Signup for a premium subscription today! Or get news via Email, Twitter, & Facebook.